There’s this vanilla world that J lives in, has lived in for the last 50 years, where she must make her own decisions, manage her schedule and affairs, plan for her days and years to come. J is single and lives alone, so all the responsibility falls to her. She manages by keeping on top of the details as best she can.
There’s another world, a M/s world, that tsg tries to live in, has been trying for the last 3 months or so, where nothing is hers. Not only is it not her responsibility to make decisions, it is not her right. Changes to routine are subject to approval, but not by her. The future is dreamt about, but it’s out of her hands. tsg is the property of her Master, and while they are not always physically together, she is His slave, He is her Owner, 24/7. Distance changes nothing.
Managing the two, keeping them separate as needed but also trying to meld them together, is difficult at best. There is no guidebook to learn from, and lessons learned are usually on the heels of mistakes made. And that’s what just happened.
Earlier this week, tsg RSVPed to an event on fetlife.com The event description said the location would be given in an email confirmation. tsg RSVPed, and waited for the confirmation. her Master also RSVPed the event a little while later. Before too long, He got the email confirmation and location, and told tsg they were confirmed. tsg got nothing, and vanilla took over. she waited another day or so, checking her fetlife message box frequently, and then started wondering if maybe her email had gone to spam or something. Then she remembered that she’d probably used a different email addy on fetlife than her usual, so she checked there, and sure enough there were notifications from fetlife… but no event confirmation.
Vanilla J expected the promised confirmation. She had to make plans about work, sleep, travel, possibly taking work clothes with her in case she didn’t make it home in time the next morning. The class was limited, so J wouldn’t know if she was in until the confirmation arrived. She mentioned to Master that she still hadn’t received the email. His reply is below:
You are a lowly slave. It is not logical that a Mistress would address you before me. It would not cross her mind that you deserve a response. Silly lowly slave. I said we were confirmed because she contacted your Master. Now, later she may contact you since she and I have spoken. Maybe not. Know your place!
Well that inspired J and tsg to fight it out, J insisting that it was common courtesy to confirm if it said they would confirm, and tsg pointing out that rules such as etiquette are for Masters to make and for slaves to follow, not the other way around. J argued that it was crazy for anyone to assume that the host would take the time to match RSVPs from individuals into M/s D/s T/b D/lg groups and respond only to the Dom. How long did the host give a Dom to RSVP before responding to the sub? Not logical! tsg pointed out that if the host wanted to use that protocol, then she just would. Besides, fetlife gives each person the option of connecting themselves to another, so it very likely gives the host a heads up of some kind, that this person MAY be coming as a couple, be on the lookout. J demanded to know if tsg actually thought this was right or fair, because this would never fly in the real world. tsg said yes, it’s right and fair because Master says it is. And in tsg’s real world, it makes sense. Then tsg told J in no uncertain terms to get out. tsg told Master of her internal war.
At this point, Master came back with:
Please, blog your confession as you wrestle with yourself. I will judge your conclusions and provide the punishment or mercy as I so choose
So that’s what happened.
tsg’s confession: First, she did not pay attention to what Master said. He did say THEY were confirmed. she knows very well He is exact in His words. This is a very difficult concept for her to accept, as her behavior shows again and again. It is an embarrassment to her, and she prays she learns better before she severely embarrasses her Master. Second, she allowed the vanilla mindset, or J, to take over. J tried to manage and fix things that were not in her right to do. Not only that, she presumed to apply vanilla standards to a BDSM situation, forgetting her reality entirely. Third, she never once asked Master for help or advice or clarification. That should have been the first thing she did.
tsg is very sorry to have done this. she can only imagine Master’s disappointment as He waited day after day for her to figure it out. she is grateful He said something before she did something really embarrassing to us both, like write to the host (which she vows she will NEVER do without permission) Master has told tsg He does not wish to micromanage her all the time, and she sincerely wants to be well behaved enough that He wouldn’t need to. she is so very sorry to have failed to meet that standard again.