This is actually from a message i wrote to a fellow kinkster, and just wanted to save it in case i needed to ‘splain myself again 🙂 i’m lazy/efficient like that.
ive been a bronchitis wuss my whole life. Get a sniffle and im on the lookout… A little drainage and im taking the mucinex. A cough brings out the humidifier. Has to be f-ing bad for me to go to the doc for something as trivial as a chest cold lol Been prescribed asthma meds on occasion, too, though never actually diagnosed with asthma.
So im self medicating the crap out of myself since very early November, and while it seems to help, seems to get better, it also keeps coming back, faster and worser and harder. But i’m in the throes of a new love relationship, and frankly don’t notice the pattern of the illness. Not even when we had to stop scening did i think “somethings wrong”, no, being out of breath and gasping/panting for air, i just reached for the inhaler 🙂
i went on vacation in early January, driving to NC to see my newest grandbaby. i felt sick, but figured the new round of meds would kick in on the way, and heck, all i was doing was driving, how bad could it be? LOL It got really bad. Going thru the mountains (where the air is thinner!) was awful. i had to keep stopping to rest, but resting wasn’t really helping. At one point i struggled so to get out of the car, that i had to stop and hold the door and rest before trying to cross the parking lot to get to the bathroom. That convinced me only that i had to go to the doctor once i got to NC 🙂 Which i did, and was given meds for bronchitis. (BTW, of course every time i went to the doc, they listened to my heart and lungs. How this has been missed by 3 docs and several RNs i’ll never understand)
i got to feeling better by the end of my time in NC, mostly i was bedridden and not a very good guest, didn’t get to spend much time with the babies. The trip home was much better, and the weekend with Master before returning to work was great… although the wheezing came back. Back to the doc, complaining bitterly that the meds weren’t working, the inhaler did NOTHING, bitch bitch bitch. He gave me different meds, different inhaler to be used 4 times a day instead of just as needed. i just kept getting worse. And my stomach started hurting. Thought all my time in bed had given me an impacted bowl (had it once before after a week of bedrest). Got sent home from work a few times because i just couldn’t keep up with the job (fast food manager).
Finally two Sunday’s ago, i realized i was feeling as sick or sicker than i had on vacation. i had an appt set up for later in the week, but could not see myself suffering until then. So i hopped in the car and drove myself to the ER, fully expecting a breathing treatment, maybe an antibiotic, and referral back to my doc. The only thing extra i took with me was my ipad charger in case i had a long wait, and a book in case the internet got boring.
i must have looked like crap, because they got me in right away, with two people taking my vitals. At one point the BP guy looks up at the pulse guy with this oh shit expression and i knew i wasn’t leaving any time soon. They got me in a chair and into a bed, and hooked up to machines and IVs pronto. i got quizzed on my symptoms, especially on ones i DIDN’T have such as racing heart, pounding heart, chest pain. i’d never had any of that.
Finally the Attending comes over and explains. i’ve a resting heart rate of over 170 (holy crap), the wheezing and crackling and shortness of breath is from fluid around my heart and lungs, not bronchitis (WTF) and the cause of the fluid is because i’ve got congestive heart failure (MASTER!!!!) Got to give much love to that doc, she was so matter of fact, i wasn’t REALLY scared. i thought i SHOULD be scared, i figured i’d freak sooner or later, but i didn’t. Probably too worn out to!
So i update Master via ipad, and start a facebook post for everyone else. Doc comes back and says shes sending me for a cat scan, because she believes i have clots in my lungs (this freaks me out more than the CHF because i know clots can cause strokes, and i didn’t want one lol) But my freak out is internal. Master tells me i’ll have to be very still for the scan… He knows i fidget something fierce lol And His calm settles me.
Well, you know how the rest goes, with the endless tests and blood draws and medication and the endless, endless waiting. i am so lucky that there were no clots, no sign of heart attacks, that the meds (except the blood thinner) worked quickly. By Tuesday i feel better than i have for months. Doc and i talk about how far back i can recall feeling like this, and to be honest, i think its been a really, really long time. This kind of thing starts slowly and builds, ya know. It can come and go all on it’s own, getting worse and sticking around longer each time. i remember laying in bed months and months ago, thinking that my life had come down to work and sleep, that i was just treading water until i died. We are sure that depressed and fatigued feeling was at least in part due to the CHF.
Master visited A LOT while i was in hospital. He lives quite a distance away, and that made it all the more special. It was during one of His visits that i realized He’s never known the healthy me. (((wicked grin))) It will take a while to build myself back up, but thats a challenge i’m most definitely up for.
Finally on Friday my blood thinner became therapeutic and i was kicked out of the hospital. Just waiting for my follow up with my reg doc to go back to work… part time, which was going to happen because of cut backs, but works out great for now. Since i’ve no history of heart trouble at all, they suspect my history of insomnia is from sleep apnea, and SA can cause CHF! So i’ve a sleep study in my future, and most likely get to wear a breathing mask for a while. my SA may well be due to my excessive weight, and losing that may cure the SA… which may cure the CHF. A bunch of ifs, but all i can do is try and see! Thankfully, Master put us both on a diet and weight loss challenge for New Years, and i’ve lost around 30 pounds so far… some from not eating from being ill, some from water loss from taking lasix. Not much from my own effort!
So there’s my story… what’s yours?